My most recent article for ParentMap:

https://www.parentmap.com/article/how-raise-feminist-man-son

 

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4 thoughts on “

  1. Hi Steph,

    Loved your article. You know that I have the same feelings. I tried to do the same thing with ” Free to be You and Me.” Well, I think your approach is much more realistic. We were just starting on feminism in those days. Anyway, your article is very well written and I think it will be well received. You give a nice salute to Lilly and the great guy that she raised. She will appreciate that and so will Aaron.

    By the way, despite my feeble attempts to raise an understanding man, I succeeded! Dan is so good to Carelia. I think he is impressive. I can give a lot of credit for that to his father. I do think that a father who is a good role model is very important. I know that your boys will listen to your wise words and follow a good example. Congratulations on your article.

    Love you,

    MoM

    ________________________________

  2. “I think figuring out where the lines are can be tough for our boys as well.”

    That’s why we teach consent. This is why we eradicate gender stereotypes, not hold on to them and use “boys will be boys” as an excuse for bad behavior.

    This article is disturbing to me for several reasons. You’re asking “girl moms” (ugh, more stereotypes) to give your sons a break because they just can’t understand gaining consent before grabbing a girl by the waist or pretend hitting her. Are you listening to what you’re saying? That boys just want to have fun and moms of girls just need to cut you and them some slack. That the needs or wants of girls is not quite as important as your boys needs, as if this is a new concept and not the sad state for women of the world for all time?

    I think of Brock Turner when reading this. “He’s such a sweet boy!” his mom must’ve said a thousand times. He’s just a boy! He can’t be taught to respect others and demand consent because “boy.”

    Then we have men like Donald Trump who just “grab them by the p&@;)” because he can do what he wants. He is a man! Real men take what they want!

    There is nothing feminist about gender stereotypes or teaching boys that their “natural roughness” is their right and others are not worthy of consent or autonomy, not there for their play needs. Your attitude is lazy and defeatist and completely anti-feminist. Do better.

    • I am glad that you read and respond very thoughtfully. I am glad that you care so much about feminism. I say that truly and without any sarcasm at all. I also say truly and without sarcasm that your concern here is misplaced. I am indeed a strong feminist and I have exactly zero concerns about that. I also know that I am teaching my boys consent just as you discussed. In fact we discussed it this morning in the car because it came up. It’s a part of many of our conversations. I was going to say, “I’m sorry you feel that way.” But then I changed my mind because I am not sorry. I took great care in the first 2 paragraphs to address your exact concerns. I have talked to many, many mothers of boys and many of us deal with these issues. These are real issues that we have to deal with. Keep up your vigilance but you can relax on this one. I’m good.

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Right from the Start

Play, Early Education and more...

writeinseattle

Living the writer's life in Seattle

Running After Ale

I'm constantly running after my toddler Ale (Á-le). I'm out of breath and having the best time!

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